Fractured Sound
by From Infinities Within
Summary: "We were never good at keeping promises to one another. I guess we just proved that time and time again, until I couldn't let us prove it again. Promises were curses as far as I was concerned." AU, AH,
1. Prologue: Alive Without Me

**(A/N: So, I was listening to this song called "Accidental Babies" By Damien Rice. You should listen to it. It inspired me to write this story. I'm kind of really feeling this. I hope you all feel it too. :P First, I thought this was going to be a One-Shot but it really all unfolded.**

**Disclaimer. I am not Stephenie Meyer. But, if I were I'd be a freakin millionaire.)**

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_Well I know I make you cry_

_And I know sometimes you wanna die_

_But do you really feel alive without me?_

_If so, be free_

_~Accidental Babies - Damen Rice_

The crinkled cream sheets remained half untouched. The right side of the bed slumped more than the left and the room was always cold and dark now. The silver frame on my nightstand that once held my life's happiness was empty. Empty like every bottle in the now locked liquor cabinet. I couldn't bare to move it. Once or twice my fingertips reached out to touch it on their own accord. So many nights I went to bed sloshy and warm but never full. No matter what I did, I was always empty. Sometimes I would wake up, when the moonlight was the brightest at night. I'd reach out my left hand to remember that nothing was there. I'd go to say something that struck me as funny, then stop mid-sentence and recall that those days were over. Now, I could only speak to the pillows, or the wall. Neither would laugh.

I couldn't sleep. I practically became a monster.

Sometimes, I would pick up the phone to call my only love. But, I resisted. I couldn't call. I didn't want to hear what would surely be said to me. Or what wouldn't be said. I couldn't stomach it. My heart was filled with pain. Every beat was hopelessly meaningless and empty. Hollow. I couldn't forgive myself. I wasn't enough. Or maybe I was too much. I was a time bomb. But, I was alone before I could explode and set the both of us on fire. Maybe it was because I was fearless. I wasn't afraid of the two of us being close. I wasn't worried about ruining our friendship. Because, I knew nothing could ruin it. I was in it for life. We were exact opposites. But, I loved it.

Sometimes, I caught a familiar scent that still lingered in parts of my apartment. The scent of strawberries and crisp linens fresh from the wash. The most painfully beautiful scent in the whole world. Maybe it was just a phantom scent; the memory of a scent that no longer lingered. I didn't know anymore. I didn't know anything.

I would occasionally count the ticking of the clock to get sleep at night. because she left her coat on the back of my bedroom door, and I would never shut my eyes so I could just stare at it. Other things were left behind. But, what tore me apart the most was the box that contained a sweatshirt, a necklace and a friendship bracelet that I made when I was five years old. They were in our - my - closet. . They were left behind. They were left behind to torture me. I was sure of it.

When I glanced at my phone, there were always a thousand texts and missed calls from my sister and my brother. My mom called too sometimes. But, I was sure she wasn't surprised that I didn't answer. I knew they were all close to giving in. There was really no point.

Of all the things I've never understood, I understood exactly why I was alone. I made her cry. She made me cry. I held her tight. She pushed me away. I kissed her lips. She ran her fingers through my hair. I loved her. She loved me. But I wasn't scared and she was. She was so scared and though I never gave her reason, I understood. She was always cautious and I was a jumper. I jumped into the relationship because it was as easy as counting to three. It was as easy as blinking and just as necessary as breathing. There had never been any other option for me. Never. But, maybe it was different for her. I was shy and she was beyond rash. She was bold and brave and gutsy. I was quiet and I knew just how to handle her. I could put out the fires she started with other people. I could take care of her. She never really let me.

She wanted to go.

So I had to let her.

She wanted to be free.

She wanted to be in the light.

She left me in the dark.

I let her go.

She took my heart with her.

I laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. My eyes tried to figure out what shapes the bumps on the ceiling made. She and I used to do that when we were wrapped up in each other's arms, blissful and unable to sleep. I tried to make some of the shapes from my memories come back, but nothing looked the same. My eyes didn't see things the same way anymore. I couldn't stand it.

My phone buzzed. I almost didn't turn to look at it, but I had to. I always checked my phone to see if it was her. I picked it up, throwing a fleeting glance at it. It _was _her and I picked it up before the second ring happened.

"Hello?" I said, breathless.

"You better come to the hospital." Said a man's voice on the other end.

My heart picked up and I didn't know what was going on. I knew it wasn't something good.

"Wha-?" I tried to articulate some type of question but it was impossibly difficult. My mind was swarmed with tiredness and confusion and now worry.

"She's asking for you. She's not doing well."

The phone disconnected and I was left in the dark with a choice.

This whole situtation never would have happened if I didn't let go. But, I did. I let go.

I did this to myself.


	2. One: As You Sleep

**(A/N: I know you guys know how I am. I don't update. I have lack of commitment. I have problems writing and keeping up. The most I've ever posted wasn't more than thirteen chapters. So, I'm going to continue writing this until I can no longer do it anymore. Take the journey with me. Maybe we'll finish it together. I feel really good about this story so far. So, I think that I'll do better than usual. This story is a piece of my soul.**

**Disclaimer: I really do not want to say this every single time, but I do not own this story.)**

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_Close your eyes, and I will be swimming._

_Lullaby's fill your room, and I will be singing_

_Singing to only you,_

_Don't forget I'll hold your head, _

_Watch the night sky fading red._

_As You Sleep - Something Corporate _

_Eight Months Earlier _

"Edward!" Bella sang as she walked in the door and plopped her purse and phone on the couch. She still had her heels on as she ran over and wrapped her arms around my neck. "I missed you while I was at work today." She must have, because Bella _always_ kicked off her heels before she ran to me. She pressed her lips full to mine and I pulled her off the ground so I didn't have to bend to kiss her back.

After a moment, I chuckled. "Hello, Love." I set her back on her feet and leaned down to press my forehead to hers. "I just got home from work about twenty minutes ago. I started dinner." I smiled and kissed her lips again.

"Good. I'm starving."

I smiled and went back to the kitchen while she changed out of her heels and work clothes. Living with Bella was easy. We knew the others' routine backwards and forwards and our routines fit together perfectly. We were perfect together. I had so much pride in our relationship. We both invested everything we had in it and that was perfectly fine.

I had known Bella since we were two years old. We were playmates as children and I couldn't remember a time when I didn't love her. I always loved her.

I smiled into the steam coming from the pot on the stove, as I stirred the boiling noodles. Some mushrooms were sauteing and the kitchen smelled mouthwatering. The sound of Bella walking into the kitchen made me smile more. I would never grow tired of her. I'd known her for twenty three years and I still loved her. Her warm tiny arms wrapped around me from behind and I felt her cheek pressing against my back between my shoulder blades.

"Dinner smells really good. What are you cooking?"

I set the spoon down and turned around to face her. "Spaghetti. The smell is the mushrooms. I'm going to put them in the sauce."

"I'm glad you're a good cook. Because I prefer to have you do all the hard work around the house." She grinned and leaned her head back into my hands as I ran my fingers through her silk hair.

I chuckled darkly and jokingly yanked a strand of her hair. It earned me a smack on the chest. "You're such a demanding woman. What the hell am I doing with you? You think I would have learned my lesson by now." I smirked. If she was going to tease me, I'd tease her back.

"You're with me because you love me." Her features turned into a devastatingly gorgeous pout, her full bottom lip jutting out. "Don't you?" I wanted to kiss the pout off her face but I was afraid that going down that path would take us to the bedroom, and then dinner would burn.

"Oh, that's right."

We both laughed.

~o~o~o~

After dinner Bella and I watched a movie. It was an (almost) nightly ritual. We'd been doing it forever. When we were children, my mother, Esme would always invite Bella, her brother Emmett, and Alice - from across the street - over for a movie after dinner. After a while, My brother Jasper and Bella's brother Emmett were "too old" for the movie night. They went outside and played in the dirt. It was myself, Bella, my sister Rosalie and the neighbor girl Alice. Eventually, Alice and Rosalie decided that they would rather play barbies. After that it was just Bella and I. We loved it. We watched a movie every night that we could.

I wasn't really paying attention to the movie tonight though. Bella and I had been married for just a little over a year. We had been a couple for just five years and every day I loved her more and more.

I remember how hard it was to get her to be with me. Bella was so cautious. She was afraid to love me. Sure, she was my first kiss. She was my first everything and I had the pleasure of saying that I was her first everything too. We kissed at the age of sixteen. But, Bella wouldn't date me until we were twenty. She was afraid it would change our friendship. I however, knew I had to be with her. I was triumphant when I finally talked her into being with me. Eventually, I talked her into marrying me.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when Bella twisted in my arms and rested her head on my chest. The movie's end credits were playing a jubilant theme song and names were scrolling across the screen lightning speed. I grabbed the remote and turned off the DVD player and the TV.

"I'm sleepy." Bella breathed and snuggled closer against my chest.

"Lets go to bed then." I whispered, as I pressed my lips to her forehead. She moved even closer- something I would have deemed impossible until she curved her body the way she did.

"Too tired. Carry me?" Her voice was a mere mumble against my shirt.

I easily swept Bella into my arms and brought her to our bedroom. The cream colored sheets were tucked tightly into the bed, making the room look crisp and clean. Bella was compulsive about making the bed. She would not get in it at night if the bed was not made prior to her bedtime. It was a cute quirk that I loved about her. I pulled back the covers and set Bella down, and covered her up. I removed my shirt and pants and also got in bed.

I was not yet tired enough to sleep, but as usual, Bella rolled onto my chest. I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist and watched as she closed her eyes and fell asleep. She must have had a long day at work. Usually our roles were reversed and I was the one falling asleep on the couch. My fingers found their way through her hair and I listened as her breathing became more even. I closed my eyes and counted her even breaths trying to predict the next one.

Eventually, I was sound asleep.

~o~o~o~o

"Gah Fuck!" Bella yelled and my eyes snapped open. Our bedroom was still dark. I glanced at the alarm clock on the bed stand. Five in the morning. Her hand hit my chest hard as she pushed herself up, running to the bathroom that was attached to our bedroom. She was puking.

I did not handle puke well. But, I'd held Bella's hair many times for her, so I got up and ran in the bathroom. She was on her knees in front of the toilet and her face was red. "Ugh. Edward. Go away. I'm done. I promise."

I ignored her and got a washcloth wet and pressed it to her forehead. "You sure?"

"Mhm. I think I had too much wine with dinner." She grumbled out.

After she got up and brushed her teeth, we both went back to bed. I brought the cool washcloth and kept it pressed to her forehead until it was no longer cool.

I did not go back to sleep.


	3. Two: I'll Follow You

**(A/N: I'm sorry if this seems scattered. I don't have a beta, but I have lots of inspiration. So, I hope the inspiration drives me onward. Damien Rice, you are my hero for making amazing music for me to write while listening to.**

**Disclaimer: I already said once, that I do not own this. Do I have to repeat it? )**

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_Where do you go when you're lonely?_

_Where do you go when you're blue?_

_Where do you go when you're lonely?_

_I'll follow you._

_When the stars go blue._

_~Tyler Hilton and Bethany Joy Lenz_

o~o~o~

**Flashback **

"Happy birthday, dear Bella. Happy birthday to you!" There were many voices, different tones. The highs and lows and the off keys making harmonies together. True, they were not good harmonies, but it wasn't about how well everyone was singing. It was the thought that counted. Everyone got together. We all loved Bella so of course we'd have a great party for her.

We were five years old. It was her first real birthday party. It was the first birthday party I ever attended and I was more than pleased with the birthday present I made for Bella. My mom insisted that I also buy her a present, but I refused to go to the store with her. I had a present that I wanted to give her and that was that. I had to have been the most stubborn five year old on the whole entire planet.

Earlier that week, Alice came over to my house. She and Rosalie were both a year older than me. I was surprised that she didn't want to play Barbies with Rosalie. No, Alice Brandon came over to see me. I got a special feeling because being five years old, and having a six year old want to see you, was a big deal. Alice told me that she had an idea about what I should get Bella for her birthday. She brought over all kinds of strings and told me that I should make a friendship bracelet for Bella. She even taught me how.

The bracelet was purple - Bella's favorite color - and blue -my favorite color. It wasn't intricate, but it was made as well as it could have been considering the fact that I was five years old.

Surprisingly, it was not raining outside. I mean, it was September in Forks Washington. But, the sky was sunny and the air was unseasonably comfortable. It wasn't warm, but it also wasn't cold. It was the perfect day for an outdoor party.

I was -of course- right beside Bella when she blew out her candles. "Make a wish, Bella." My dad said to her. A questioning look was apparent on her face, but she squeezed her eyes tight regardless. Her lips moved like she was speaking, but no sound came out. She must have been mouthing her wish. When she was done, she turned to me.

"Why did I make a wish?" Her wide, innocent chocolate eyes stared at me, her brow furrowed.

"You're silly Bella." I laughed at her. "Everyone knows you make a wish on your birthday."

She looked at me like I had two heads. "What did you wish for?" I asked, seeing if I could trick it out of her because of her lack of knowledge of birthday wishes.

Bella opened her mouth to speak but Renee cut her off before she had a chance to tell me. "Don't tell him, Bella! Your wish won't come true."

We all laughed and I excused myself as the cake was being cut to run next door to my house to get her birthday present. I didn't want to put it with the rest of her presents. I wanted my present to be special. I was going to give it to her all by myself. I wanted to be a big kid and a good best friend. The friendship bracelet was tucked safely under my pillow in my room. I had moved it there earlier that morning when my sister Rosalie and my mom were wrapping the present they got for Bella. I snatched it up and ran back to the party.

Charlie and Renee Swan were standing by Bella, handing her presents when I got back. She was tearing them open at lightning speed and grinning like the Cheshire cat, except her front teeth were missing and her grin was silly looking, but I smiled too. I went back to my chair next to Bella, silently and waited for it to be my turn to give her the present that I had curled tightly in my fist.

"Is that everything?" Renee asked, making sure Bella opened all her presents.

"No." I said looking up at her. "I have something for Bella too."

Everyone got silent and waited. Bella turned in her chair to look at me.

"Close your eyes and open your hand." I said to her, placing it in her palm when she complied. "Okay. You can open your eyes now."

She looked at her palm in awe. "It's really pretty."

"It's a friendship bracelet. Alice helped me make it for you. I want to be your best friend forever and ever, Bella."

All of our parents simultaneously 'awwed' while Bella flung her arms around me and gave me a hug that had me almost unable to breath. "Thank you Edward!" Her toothless grin came back. "You're the bestest friend in the whole entire world and mars."

I guess the other seven planets didn't count. But, that was alright.

I hugged her back and Renee and my mom both pulled out their cameras and took pictures of us.

~o~o~o~

Later after dinner that night, I asked my mom if I could go outside and play. It was just starting to get a little dark outside, and I was surprised that she let me go. But, I was happy.

I ran outside. I was going to head over to Bella's house, but I stopped halfway between our yards. Bella was sitting in her back yard, curled up with her knees under her chin and her arms wrapped around them. Her bracelet was tied around her right hand. I saw her body shaking slightly and I knew she was crying.

I didn't know what to say to her, so I went and sat in the grass next to her, and picked at the ground.

After a while, the silence was kind of scary to me. "What's wrong, Bella?" I asked her. She looked up at me, her face stained with tears.

"My wish didn't come true!" She sniffled and wiped her face with the back of her hands. "I wished that Mommy and Daddy wouldn't fight tonight." So that explained why she was sitting outside. I looked back toward her house. "They don't love each other." She sniffled again. "I want them to be best friends like me and you."

"It's okay, Bella. Don't be sad, It's your birthday." Being a five year old, I was not the best at consoling. But, I tried as hard as I could. "Me and you can just be the bestest friends in the world and on mars and you can come to my house when your mommy and daddy are fighting." I half smiled, but still felt bad. It made me scared that Bella was crying.

To my surprise though, Bella smiled. "Can I spend the night tonight?"

I nodded, like a bobble head. "Yeah. Lets go get a blankie and a pillow and we can have movie night tonight. You can pick the movie today. It's your birthday."

The tears were sticking her hair to her face but her smile canceled out the sadness of her crying.

"Love you."

"Love you too."

We went to her house, and I asked Charlie and Renee if Bella could spend the night. Irritation was strong on Renee's face, but when she caught site of Bella and her expression, she simply nodded. We gathered her pajamas and blankets and made a fort in the living room.

That night we fell asleep watching Cinderella. It wasn't my favorite, but it was Bella's favorite and I wanted her to be happy. The floor was covered in blankets, popcorn and Twizzlers and we were both happy.


End file.
